Identity conflict. How do we respond when our identity or defining characteristics are challenged? What do we do when tragedy strikes and our strength is shown to be insufficient? How should we feel when a less-than admirable trait surfaces even though we know better? Do you want to know why I believe Jesus had an identity conflict? What were Jesus’s identities anyways? Why did Jesus cry? Try to follow me on this short journey.

Men Don’t Cry

When I was a child, my family raised goats. This was a big part of our life. This entailed a lot of responsibility on a child in a family of six. That means at a young age we had responsibilities to feed, water, and milk the goats twice daily. Furthermore, our parents would allow my sisters and I to take ownership of the goats when they were born. This meant the goats then became our personal responsibility. Of course this caused us children to become quite fond of certain goats and have favorites. When I was 10 years old, I had a billy goat kid which I named Billy the Kid. He was not healthy from birth and he had a genetic defect that made it difficult for him to feed properly. However, I invested in taking care of him and raising him. I took as good care of him as I could and made sure he got the milk he needed. This went on for a while but his health issues finally caught up to him.

One morning my parents called me into their room and told me gently that my little goat, Billy the Kid, had died. Immediately saddened, I began to sob and cry for the loss of my little goat. My father, seeing this as a teaching opportunity, told me not to cry about it. This was just a part of life. He didn’t directly say this, but I took it as a lesson that men don’t cry. After all, I had never witnessed my father crying. From that point forward, I no longer cried over “trivial” matters. I learned to contain my emotions and control that aspect. Crying was unacceptable and I would fight any urge to do such at all costs. This was a lesson I would retain throughout life.

A Broken Body

About a year ago my health took a turn for the worse. I woke up one morning and went to step out of bed. However, as I attempted to put my weight on my leg I could not. My legs collapsed beneath me and I flopped onto the floor like a bag of sticks. It took everything in me to crawl to the living room and enlist the help of my wife to stand up. A pain developed (actually returned with a vengeance from many years before) in my left leg. Previously, this pain had been isolated to my left leg. However, this time it seemed connected to my lower back. I’m generally the type of guy who doesn’t go to the doctor or take pain killers. Most pain will go away if you just wait long enough, right?

I told my chiropractor about the pain. She mentioned sciatic nerve pain. From there, I told my doctor who referred me to get an x-ray and MRI. When the results of my MRI came back to my doctor, she seemed surprised by the severity of the condition. My L5 vertebrae had shifted backward and the disk was bulging. The bulging disk was contacting a nerve which was causing the pain. The doctor then referred me to a spine specialist who would be able to recommend the correct treatment. However, before the appointment was over, the doctor mentioned that surgery may be something I need at some point, and that this issue is likely something that I’ll have to manage for the rest of my life.

A Broken Man

While driving home with my wife and two little girls in the back seat my head was spinning. My mind was a mess and I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly panic ensued. This couldn’t be happening to me. I felt myself getting emotional. However this wasn’t a normal emotion, but one that I had long since banished to the depths of my heart. I desperately tried to push it back down. I suddenly had to pull over. This little unwelcome feeling was coming to the surface and I couldn’t stop it anymore. I broke down and started to cry in front of my wife and small daughters. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. After a few minutes, I pulled myself together. I drove home completely embarrassed, confused, and unhappy with myself. How could I have allowed myself to come to a point of crying. Not only crying, but crying in front of my wife and daughters.

This didn’t entirely make sense to me. Why was I so affected to the point of crying? I hadn’t cried for years. I had dealt with health issues before, so why was this different? There are people going through much worse without such a reaction. Maybe even you, while reading this, are going through worse. I didn’t truly understand why until recently. The truth of the matter is it challenged my identity and proved it to be insufficient. I am athletic, love playing sports when I can, and lift weights almost every day. At least I did before this. When I learned that I may have to go through back surgery and likely deal with this for a long time, my identity as an athletic person with a healthy body was destroyed. My reaction to losing that aspect of my life brought forth the weight I had placed on that identity. Although there were other aspects to this, such as the prospect of not being able to play with my girls without limitations, I’m going to camp out on the previous point for a little bit.

What Makes A Man Cry?

We all have various identities, or characteristics that define who we are. When these identities come into conflict with one another, are challenged, or shown insufficient it can cause us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. This is based on the weight of that identity on your life. Furthermore, these times of trial can produce a new identity in us. In the story of losing my billy goat kid, I explained a tragic event of loss that produced a new identity in me. After this loss and my decided reaction to it, I developed the identity of a man who does not cry. Later in life, when an identity of physical health was shown insufficient, the loss of that identity was so great that it overrode my identity of not crying.

Hopefully, you can understand the point here. Our identities or defining characteristics will be challenged in life. They will also come in conflict with one another. Furthermore, they will cause us to do things we would not naturally or normally do. I would like to invite you to take some time to think about a time when an identity of yours was challenged, lost, or shown to be insufficient. If it was truly an identity of yours, you know it hurt.

The Strongest Man To Ever Cry

Now I’m going to share a time when the greatest man to ever walk to earth faced an identity conflict. None other than Jesus! Furthermore, it’s defined in the shortest verse of the Bible. It is found in John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” Why did He weep? Because He just heard the news that Lazarus, His good friend, had died. But we also heard Him break the news to His disciples in verse 11 that Lazarus was dead by divine knowledge. Furthermore, Jesus told them that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. This all happened prior to the Jews telling Jesus that Lazarus was dead and Jesus responding by weeping. Why would Jesus be crying over a man who had died when He knew He was about to raise him back to life? I’m sure countless people have asked this question through the years. However, I would like to submit a possible answer.

I submit to you that Jesus, although being divinely directed and knowing what was about to happen, still identified with His human side in that moment of sadness. Jesus was fully God AND fully man. This means He had human problems, temptations, trials, and emotions. He was subjected to all the same sadness, loss, and death we are subjected to today. It was necessary for Him to identify with His human side at times like this to fully grasp the meaning of being human. Therefore, in that instant, His identity was in conflict. (Seemingly). His all-knowing divine power and knowledge versus His identity as a man who had just lost his friend. Furthermore, being Lazarus’s friend, the others with him who were weeping would have thought it very cold and callous to be blank-faced upon hearing this news. Therefore, He also had an identity to uphold, from an external perspective, as Lazarus’s friend.

Conclusion

Now am I suggesting Jesus was concerned with the views and thoughts of other people around Him? Perhaps He was. Perhaps there’s more to the meaning of this action, and many of His actions than immediately meets the eye. God knows everything. And Jesus is fully God. However, Jesus was also fully man. Therefore, Jesus did not have the luxury of acting as God all the time. He was here on earth, by choice, for the purpose of identifying with humans and saving us. In this way, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses” Hebrews 4:14. We have an advocate in Heaven who can relate to EVERY human emotion we encounter. He was here, He was fully man, and He lived a perfect life through it to pay for our sins. Therefore, I suppose what I’m trying to say is Jesus was not acting as God in every situation. He had to, in order to relate fully and fulfill His purpose, identify as a human. Therefore, He identified as a human even when He knew the outcome.

Our identities can pull us in different directions. When our identities come into conflict with one another, one will take precedence. However, Jesus has demonstrated that it is not always the greater of your identities that comes to the surface. It’s okay to not always feel led by your highest identity. However, if you are born again, you have the knowledge of our victory in the end.

Author: Michael J. Lewis – is a radical follower of Christ and the author of True Worth: Identity in Christ. He is also a husband, father, entrepreneur, and speaker. He founded True Worth Media along with his wife, Claire, to help Christians realize their value in Christ and fulfill their potential for the Kingdom. You can contact him by e-mail at TrueWorthMedia@gmail.com