My wife and I have found that communicating as a team catches many problems before they start.

We all know communication in a marriage is important. In fact, you’ve probably heard some training harping on how proper communication and sharing of your feelings will transform your marriage.

I’m not talking about sharing feelings, like “You did this, and it makes me feel sad.” Or having a dedicated “talking” time with your spouse. We think these are important, but communicating as a team is different.

Today, we’re delivering a message about communicating with your spouse as a teammate. Team communication looks quite a bit different than conversational communication. A good teammate is constantly communicating to the rest of the team their intentions.

 

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You can solidify the truths you want your child to hold on to, foster, and grow in them by taking the time to read meaningful books to them early on in their life. We want to challenge you to turn the screen off for you and your child and turn some pages.

Starting January 17, for seven days, for whatever amount of time your child can handle, read to them. Read to them from their Children’s Bible, your Bible, or books that have good values in them and plant those seeds!

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An older gentleman said this to my wife and I as they passed by our table. But let me set the stage:

Seated at our table was myself, my wife, and our three daughters of 4, 2, and 6 months old. We had arrived at the local diner upon opening at 8:00AM and had waited over 45 minutes for our food to arrive. 

In that time, our daughters became restless and began whining and admittedly got a little loud at times. Although they are normally pretty good in public, we believed this exception to be a product of having to wait a longer time than usual for their fries to arrive.

As an older gentleman and an elderly woman (presumably his mother) walked by our table to leave, she exclaimed, “Manners, manners, manners!!”

Then the man said, “That’s so annoying, you guys. So annoying!” 

He then proceeded to tell us they had 3 grandchildren and they NEVER acted like that, and we should be ashamed.

The Parent Shaming Experience

Generally, you hear about things like this happening. I’ve heard it called parent-shaming or mom-shaming. As parents, I think we naturally do our best not to disturb other people in public when our children get a little out of hand. However, we don’t really expect someone to ACTUALLY say something to us about it. After all, haven’t they been in a similar situation with their children before?

However, according to a 2017 poll conducted by Michigan Medicine’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, almost two-thirds of mothers have been mom-shamed about their parenting techniques. 

To be honest, the story I just told you was our first time to experience something like this. The results? Embarrassment. Shock. Anger. These are the things that go through our minds when our parental identities are challenged. 

Make no mistake. When things like this happen, it is your identity that is under attack. The message is, “You aren’t good parents because you allow your children to act like that.” The person who is giving us that message does not have any knowledge of anything leading up to it, they simply have to go on what they see. They have already put us in a box, the bad parent box, and proceeded to act and treat us accordingly. They don’t know that we just finished an exhausting week of work, our infant kept us up almost all night every night for the past 6 months, and we’re still figuring out this whole parenting thing out in general. 

Why Do These Things Bother Us?

So why does this judgment by someone have such an effect on us as to give us a wave of negative emotions that can carry on with us for hours? It’s because identity attacks are often the worst because they attack what we believe, or want to believe about ourselves. We want to believe we are good parents, but we also know there are areas where we are failing. Therefore, our belief that we are good parents can be in doubt when challenged. I’m not talking about the truth here, I’m talking about perception. If you’re secure in your parental role, and don’t place as much emphasis on your parental identity, these types of interactions may not affect you as deeply.

What I would like to impart to you today is to not allow these subjective identities (identities others try to place on you) dictate how you will react or what you will do.

The idea and deeper definition of subjective identities are laid out in my book, True Worth: Identity in Christ.

Subjective Vs. Objective Identities

“Let me introduce a distinction between subjective and objective identity.

Subjective identities are things people (us or others) believe about us that we try to uphold. If we allow this to be our focus, we are allowing what others think about us to become our reality. Objective identities are facts about who we are. These are things we cannot change. When the two worlds of subjective and objective combine, others will attempt to impose identities on us based on objective realities. This is a dangerous place to be because it seems to be rooted in truth.”

True Worth: Identity in Christ p.61

Given our current story, what does that mean? 

Objective identity: I am a parent (This is a fact, which cannot be changed)

Subjective identity: I am a parent, therefore I should act like ______. (This is an idea of what it’s supposed to mean to be a parent) 

Do you see the subtle difference?

Here’s an example: If we were too embarrassed to allow our children to make noise in public because people might think we were bad parents, we might start reaching for our cell phones to get them to be quiet.  (Which is something we’ve decided we won’t do.) I’m not making the case against it here, I’m simply saying we would be doing something to appease onlookers in order to protect our identity. (If you would like an article about the effects screen-time has on our children, here’s a recent article we published that addresses that.) However, in that attempt to protect our identity, we would have actually undermined our identity. Because we believe we shouldn’t be using our cellphones to make them behave, we would be going against our beliefs.

Be Encouraged! Don’t Give In To The Parent Shaming 

I want to encourage you to reject the need to appease the judgment of onlookers, whether imagined or not, and continue within your true identity. Decide on how you will raise your children and don’t allow outsiders to change your standards. 

One more note: I don’t want this to come off as judgmental. If you have decided that you want your children to use electronics, etc. that is your choice. The point still stands, don’t allow outside judgments to make you change who you are.

As always, I want to bring this full circle back to what God has to say. When it comes to our children, He says, “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.” -Psalm 127:3.

These precious gifts have been entrusted to you for a reason and for a mighty purpose for Him. Do not allow your doubts and insecurities to question your identity in Christ as His chosen child. You have been chosen for such a parenting role as this!

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“This year you asked, “What does [insert recipient’s name here] want for Christmas?”

If you’re familiar with most children, they most likely spoke of a gadget or electronic device. If they’re into any sort of video game they may have asked for some type of gift card that gets them points or gold and allows them to buy things in the game that gives them special abilities or items that help them advance in the game.

If you’re anything like me, your heart sinks a little bit depending on their age.  Kids are getting younger and younger and interacting with electronics more and more.

The Issues with Electronics

Smartphones tend to be the culprit here but anything with a screen is a easy, go-to distraction for children.

According to a popular parenting website there are number of things electronics cause in children where use of screen distraction is excessive.

Though more studies need to be done to definitively determine the severity or safety of some of the means technology uses to function as it relates to the physical dangers of the devices themselves, True Worth Media believes the messages they can be exposed to are dangerous as well. We’re talking about more than just inappropriate content although that is certainly a serious concern.  The screen time issue can interrupt academics, regardless of age. Mental health can become an issue if any type of cyberbullying is encountered in any social media children are allowed to engage in, or end up engaging in because they are unmonitored. At a minimum, there is a risk of the interruption of basic and vital sleep patterns children need.

We’d Like to Offer an Alternative

Specifically for the present one great way to give a gift of positivity that lasts  a lifetime!

For kids ages 0-8, whether a boy or girl, The Star in Me is a book that can drown out the message kids encounter on their screens.  Written in rhyme, this book holds their attention, whether you’re reading it to them or they’re reading it to you. As you read to them you affirm God’s purpose for their life, the be the stat He has created in them and shine through the darkness.  As they read to you, the affirm that truth themselves!

At $6.99, this book is a great alternative to an electronic device, gadget or game that interrupts growth and development and doesn’t encourage or build up.

We have a limited quantity we can get in your mailbox before Christmas.  Place your pre-order today.

Your Pre-order Ships December 7.

Reserve your copy today!

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For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.

Ephesians 2:14-16

Who Is The Target Audience?

Paul is writing to the Jews about gentiles. He is explaining that the dividing wall, the law, has been taken down by Jesus. However, at that time the Jews were very reluctant to accept this. Paul’s description of “hostility” is putting the matter lightly. The Jews were being persecuted by gentiles from all sides and had been for years. At the time of this writing, their homeland was occupied by the Romans and heavily taxed. They were ridiculed mercilessly for their faith and customs. Antisemitism was commonplace and publicly acceptable. They were involved in quite the hostile relationship with non-Jews. Hostility was a way of life in that time.

Furthermore, the Jews returned that hostility openly and fervently. This was no one-sided aggression and hatred. The Jews avoided gentiles at all costs. To even come in contact with a gentile’s shadow was considered an unclean act. In Jewish custom, they alone had the ability to access the one true God because they alone had been given the law. Therefore, they held non-Jews in contempt.

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What It Means That Jesus Fulfilled The Law

Now we get to find out what it means that Jesus fulfilled the law. The thing is, the Jews at that time distinguished themselves by keeping the law. They believed the law separated them from the gentiles and gave them access to God. However, when Jesus died, He removed that barrier and allowed everyone to have access to God through the death on the cross. Therefore, in doing so, Jesus fulfilled the law by paying the consequences of sin for us.

Think about it

When think deeper about what it means that Jesus fulfilled the law, we may wonder why the Jews were so resistant to this concept. However, to understand this we have to understand their long-term investment in their old ways. When Moses went up onto Mount Sinai, he brought down the law to the Jews. This law was exclusive to them as they were God’s chosen people. Therefore, they clung to that law. They believed their heritage was what would save them. However, this belief was challenged by the Gospel and testimony of Jesus. The teaching of Jesus, and the apostles after His death, discarded the notion that the Jews could claim an exclusive relationship with Christ by means of their ancestry. After the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, Jews and gentiles alike can now access all the gifts of God through faith in Jesus.

Therefore, the barrier of the law was removed. This is why some say the death of Jesus abolished the law. For peace to exist, the barrier to peace must come down. In this case, the barrier to peace was the Jews’ claim to the law. With the law as savior replaced by Jesus as the savior, Jews and gentiles can access communion with God in harmony and peace.

Jesus Did Not Abolish The Law

Although Jesus did not do away with the law as some like to say, it certainly felt that way to the Jews. This is the meaning of Matthew 5:17, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” By paying the price that the law demanded for disobedience, Jesus fulfilled it. He removed that barrier to entry. He was not handing us freedom to disobey the law, He was simply paying the price. Therefore, what he was abolishing was the consequences we were supposed to pay. However, the consequences are still there. The consequences were paid for, and that’s what it means that Jesus fulfilled the law.

The barrier to entry

By removing the consequences and barrier to entry, access to Him was now granted to the whole world. This was, and still is today in some cases, an affront to Jewish culture. This is why the traditional Jewish religion continues to hold to the old covenant because it gives them significance based on their birthright. If everyone is allowed to enter the Kingdom of God based on Jesus’ death on the cross, then the core of the traditional Jewish religion is in question, because their access is granted through obeying the law and their heritage. (I’m not an expert on Jewish culture, so I’ll leave this be. Feel free to correct me.)

Back to the point. There was a wall, the law, dividing the world. Think about it like the barriers to entry put into place by modern day laws. Here’s a real world example of barriers to entry: I cannot go start advertising counseling services and start a therapeutic practice next week. Why? I am not a licensed therapist by the state. I don’t have sufficient education deemed necessary to practice therapy and charge clients for it. I have not gone through any certifications that validate my ability to counsel. I may have gifts of counsel and I may have the ability to help someone heal just as much as any counselor does, but I have not achieved the obligations that the people who regulate that classification have deemed appropriate. In short, I have not earned the right of passage, therefore I cannot pass the barrier to entry.

We Can Only Imagine

Let’s get hypothetical. Imagine if a man came speaking with authority and counseling others. That man completely dispelled the notion that one needed to be approved by the state to have a therapeutic practice. Although the practicing counselors of influence tried to stop him and badger him with the law, he could not be stopped. Now, I’m not going too far down this analogous road because it will just get more and more ridiculous, but follow me for argument’s sake because there’s a point. If that man succeeded in removing the barrier to entry into the world of counseling, the current counselors who had gone through that training and attained their license by traditional means would fight that notion. Furthermore, they would continue to look down at new counselors who had not gone through such a process of entry into the world of therapy. Therefore, with this analogy we can see how the Jews had such a hard time accepting the new covenant because it relegated useless their right of passage. The barrier to entry that they had been practicing and upholding for years was gone.

Remember, using this analogy, wouldn’t it still be silly for the newer wave of counselors to ridicule those who did go through the barrier to entry? Of course it would, because there is still meaning in that education. There are still benefits to keeping the laws.

What’s The Point?

With a proper understanding of why there is a tension between the law keepers and those who are not bound by the law, we can understand some of the tensions in today’s church. However, we have to always understand we are all reaching for the same God. Furthermore, the law is not a bad thing and keeping is is commendable, but it is not a barrier to entry into fellowship with Christ.

I encourage you to think about the human aspect and speak in love when dealing with this issue. There is no reason to ridicule either side. Live in the truth and freedoms that Christ’s death on the cross has afforded you, but do not use them to look down on others who don’t feel they have the same liberties you do. Not every Christian has been afforded the same liberties for various reasons.

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Men Don’t Cry

When I was a child, my family raised goats. This was a big part of our life. This entailed a lot of responsibility on a child in a family of six. That means at a young age we had responsibilities to feed, water, and milk the goats twice daily. Furthermore, our parents would allow my sisters and I to take ownership of the goats when they were born. This meant the goats then became our personal responsibility. Of course this caused us children to become quite fond of certain goats and have favorites. When I was 10 years old, I had a billy goat kid which I named Billy the Kid. He was not healthy from birth and he had a genetic defect that made it difficult for him to feed properly. However, I invested in taking care of him and raising him. I took as good care of him as I could and made sure he got the milk he needed. This went on for a while but his health issues finally caught up to him.

One morning my parents called me into their room and told me gently that my little goat, Billy the Kid, had died. Immediately saddened, I began to sob and cry for the loss of my little goat. My father, seeing this as a teaching opportunity, told me not to cry about it. This was just a part of life. He didn’t directly say this, but I took it as a lesson that men don’t cry. After all, I had never witnessed my father crying. From that point forward, I no longer cried over “trivial” matters. I learned to contain my emotions and control that aspect. Crying was unacceptable and I would fight any urge to do such at all costs. This was a lesson I would retain throughout life.

A Broken Body

About a year ago my health took a turn for the worse. I woke up one morning and went to step out of bed. However, as I attempted to put my weight on my leg I could not. My legs collapsed beneath me and I flopped onto the floor like a bag of sticks. It took everything in me to crawl to the living room and enlist the help of my wife to stand up. A pain developed (actually returned with a vengeance from many years before) in my left leg. Previously, this pain had been isolated to my left leg. However, this time it seemed connected to my lower back. I’m generally the type of guy who doesn’t go to the doctor or take pain killers. Most pain will go away if you just wait long enough, right?

I told my chiropractor about the pain. She mentioned sciatic nerve pain. From there, I told my doctor who referred me to get an x-ray and MRI. When the results of my MRI came back to my doctor, she seemed surprised by the severity of the condition. My L5 vertebrae had shifted backward and the disk was bulging. The bulging disk was contacting a nerve which was causing the pain. The doctor then referred me to a spine specialist who would be able to recommend the correct treatment. However, before the appointment was over, the doctor mentioned that surgery may be something I need at some point, and that this issue is likely something that I’ll have to manage for the rest of my life.

A Broken Man

While driving home with my wife and two little girls in the back seat my head was spinning. My mind was a mess and I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly panic ensued. This couldn’t be happening to me. I felt myself getting emotional. However this wasn’t a normal emotion, but one that I had long since banished to the depths of my heart. I desperately tried to push it back down. I suddenly had to pull over. This little unwelcome feeling was coming to the surface and I couldn’t stop it anymore. I broke down and started to cry in front of my wife and small daughters. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. After a few minutes, I pulled myself together. I drove home completely embarrassed, confused, and unhappy with myself. How could I have allowed myself to come to a point of crying. Not only crying, but crying in front of my wife and daughters.

This didn’t entirely make sense to me. Why was I so affected to the point of crying? I hadn’t cried for years. I had dealt with health issues before, so why was this different? There are people going through much worse without such a reaction. Maybe even you, while reading this, are going through worse. I didn’t truly understand why until recently. The truth of the matter is it challenged my identity and proved it to be insufficient. I am athletic, love playing sports when I can, and lift weights almost every day. At least I did before this. When I learned that I may have to go through back surgery and likely deal with this for a long time, my identity as an athletic person with a healthy body was destroyed. My reaction to losing that aspect of my life brought forth the weight I had placed on that identity. Although there were other aspects to this, such as the prospect of not being able to play with my girls without limitations, I’m going to camp out on the previous point for a little bit.

What Makes A Man Cry?

We all have various identities, or characteristics that define who we are. When these identities come into conflict with one another, are challenged, or shown insufficient it can cause us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. This is based on the weight of that identity on your life. Furthermore, these times of trial can produce a new identity in us. In the story of losing my billy goat kid, I explained a tragic event of loss that produced a new identity in me. After this loss and my decided reaction to it, I developed the identity of a man who does not cry. Later in life, when an identity of physical health was shown insufficient, the loss of that identity was so great that it overrode my identity of not crying.

Hopefully, you can understand the point here. Our identities or defining characteristics will be challenged in life. They will also come in conflict with one another. Furthermore, they will cause us to do things we would not naturally or normally do. I would like to invite you to take some time to think about a time when an identity of yours was challenged, lost, or shown to be insufficient. If it was truly an identity of yours, you know it hurt.

The Strongest Man To Ever Cry

Now I’m going to share a time when the greatest man to ever walk to earth faced an identity conflict. None other than Jesus! Furthermore, it’s defined in the shortest verse of the Bible. It is found in John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” Why did He weep? Because He just heard the news that Lazarus, His good friend, had died. But we also heard Him break the news to His disciples in verse 11 that Lazarus was dead by divine knowledge. Furthermore, Jesus told them that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. This all happened prior to the Jews telling Jesus that Lazarus was dead and Jesus responding by weeping. Why would Jesus be crying over a man who had died when He knew He was about to raise him back to life? I’m sure countless people have asked this question through the years. However, I would like to submit a possible answer.

I submit to you that Jesus, although being divinely directed and knowing what was about to happen, still identified with His human side in that moment of sadness. Jesus was fully God AND fully man. This means He had human problems, temptations, trials, and emotions. He was subjected to all the same sadness, loss, and death we are subjected to today. It was necessary for Him to identify with His human side at times like this to fully grasp the meaning of being human. Therefore, in that instant, His identity was in conflict. (Seemingly). His all-knowing divine power and knowledge versus His identity as a man who had just lost his friend. Furthermore, being Lazarus’s friend, the others with him who were weeping would have thought it very cold and callous to be blank-faced upon hearing this news. Therefore, He also had an identity to uphold, from an external perspective, as Lazarus’s friend.

Conclusion

Now am I suggesting Jesus was concerned with the views and thoughts of other people around Him? Perhaps He was. Perhaps there’s more to the meaning of this action, and many of His actions than immediately meets the eye. God knows everything. And Jesus is fully God. However, Jesus was also fully man. Therefore, Jesus did not have the luxury of acting as God all the time. He was here on earth, by choice, for the purpose of identifying with humans and saving us. In this way, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses” Hebrews 4:14. We have an advocate in Heaven who can relate to EVERY human emotion we encounter. He was here, He was fully man, and He lived a perfect life through it to pay for our sins. Therefore, I suppose what I’m trying to say is Jesus was not acting as God in every situation. He had to, in order to relate fully and fulfill His purpose, identify as a human. Therefore, He identified as a human even when He knew the outcome.

Our identities can pull us in different directions. When our identities come into conflict with one another, one will take precedence. However, Jesus has demonstrated that it is not always the greater of your identities that comes to the surface. It’s okay to not always feel led by your highest identity. However, if you are born again, you have the knowledge of our victory in the end.

Author: Michael J. Lewis – is a radical follower of Christ and the author of True Worth: Identity in Christ. He is also a husband, father, entrepreneur, and speaker. He founded True Worth Media along with his wife, Claire, to help Christians realize their value in Christ and fulfill their potential for the Kingdom. You can contact him by e-mail at TrueWorthMedia@gmail.com

The post Did Jesus Have An Identity Conflict? (Why Did Jesus Cry?) appeared first on True Worth Media.

When I read the story of the fall, when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and doomed all of humanity to slavery to sin, it occurs to me that there is a very applicable theme displayed. The cycle of sin is clear in this story. This is the reoccurring theme we see every time we fall into sin. Allow me to guide you through the story and explain exactly what I mean. The verses are taken from Genesis 3 in the NIV.

Is It Really A Sin?

Verse 3, “Did God really say?” This is the summary of almost all lies that Christians fall for. This is where the cycle of sin begins. We begin to question or entertain the questions about the truth of God’s Word. Would a loving god actually forbid you the pleasures of the world? After all, didn’t God make the world and all that is in it? We walk a dangerous path when we justify our actions by saying said specific action was not directly named as a sin in the Bible, and a more dangerous path when we question the legitimacy of the Bible’s instruction. The justification of the actions which the Bible forbids often comes by the “culture” excuse. For example, “That was back then when they believed this stuff.” However, I’m calling you to remember the very first deception of mankind by Satan. It was tricking us into doubting what God really said or what He really meant by what he said.

The Desire of the Flesh

Verse 6, “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.” This is the point where the Christian begins to fantasize and lust after said sin. This is where we see all the “benefits” or good feelings we may gain by such action. We see the “good fruit” that is “pleasing to the eye” and we fall into the desire for it.

Misery Loves Company

Verse 6 continued, “She also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate it.” Ahh… sharing in the sin. Often times when we find ourselves caught in a repetitive sin, we begin to seek out others who are either also captive to the sin or whom we may bring in with us. This somehow makes us feel like we are validated in our failure to overcome it. After all, everyone struggles with it, right?

Shame of Sin

Verse 7-8, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. … and they hid from Lord God among the trees…” Here is where we find shame. Shame is such a powerful tool used by the enemy to keep up in our cycle of sin. Although we are justifying our sin, the knowledge of sin is still there. Therefore, we instinctively hide the sin from those whom we deem spiritual authorities, whether that is a pastor, parents, or our Bible study members. Sadly, for many, this is where the cycle of sin usually starts back to the beginning. When the cycle of sin stops here and does not go on the next stage, we are able to keep it a secret for some time. This is unfortunately what gives the sin more power over our lives and will keep us in the sin longer. However, when our sin comes to the light by discovery we have the beginning stage of healing. It does not always result in finding healing, but healing is impossible without bringing the sin to the light. We then move on to the next stage in the cycle of sin.

Spread the Blame

In the next stage, we see what happens when we are found out in our sin. When questioned by God, Adam immediately points at Eve in Verse 12, “The woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then Eve blames the serpent, verse 13, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” So here we see a clear example of what happens when we are found out in sin. This is when the blame game starts. Notice Adam first subtly blames God for placing the woman in the garden, then blatantly blames the woman. This is immediately followed by the woman blaming the serpent. This tendency to blame is a normal reaction to being confronted about our sin. When we are in sin, we are very unlikely to take responsibility for our indiscretions. We almost always try to find something or someone to blame. This is normal in the sin cycle and must be expected when we are confronting sin in our fellow Christian brothers and sisters as well. We must also ponder this reality when we find ourselves rationalizing sin in our own lives.

Consequences of Sin

In verses 14-19 we see the consequences of sin coming down hard on mankind. This is where God is fulfilling his identity of being a just God. God by nature, being good and just, cannot allow sin to go without consequences. Even after repentance of said sins, we often must still live with the consequences of the sins.

This story not only shows us the beginning of man and sin, it also outlines the exact same cycle of sin we find ourselves repeating each time we fall into sin. We go from rationalizing to desire or lust, from desire to action, from action to inclusion of others, from inclusion to confrontation, from confrontation to blame, from blame to consequences. I hope this has been a helpful article when it comes to understanding the cycle of sin in our lives. I encourage you to not allow the Devil to fool you with the same devices over and over and call on Jesus and the freedom he has given us.

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